Life 101: Learn to be Alone

Your parents probably told you that you should graduate, get a job and then start a family. But today many of us no longer see life like this. We choose to do things differently. Why rush when we have our whole lives ahead of us?

Starting a family is a huge responsibility, and what if we’re just not ready. What if we haven’t figured ourselves yet?

After graduation, I realized it wasn’t just me who felt like this. I had friends who just like me felt lost and confused.

I did what I was raised to believe in. I graduated, I looked for a job and I entered into a relationship. I also moved out that same year. Until I realized, this did not feel right. Everything was running smoothly as I had everything I wanted. I was finally independent and in control of everything in my life.

But something was missing. Everything was planned out as I would continue to work, save money and then start a family. I would imagine my future and I would imagine all of this to one day happen, a part of me wanted it to happen right away. I felt like I was ready and it would all just fall into place. This did not happen.

There would be nights where I would suddenly think to myself, is this what I really want? Am I happy? I couldn’t answer any of these questions. I felt empty, sad and lonely.

I decided to break up with my ex and figure out what I wanted. During the time that I was with him, I felt like I was being dragged down. I missed the feeling of being single, going out and just having fun. Sadly, I couldn’t do any of this with him.

When I was finally single again, I was suddenly relieved.

I realized that before you enter a serious relationship and start a family, we should first learn to be alone. The time I’ve spent alone so far has allowed me to learn and understand myself more. I am not constantly doing what other people want to do or not doing something because they don’t want to. I get to decide what I want to do and where I want to go. I love it. I don’t have to make compromises or sacrifices.

More people should enjoy this. No one should be afraid to spend time alone. Learning about yourself is the best thing you could do for yourself, for me this is how I’ve learned to grow. I thought being in a relationship would fulfill my loneliness, but instead, I learned to appreciate being alone.

I hung onto my ex because I was afraid to be alone. But breaking up was the best decision I’ve ever made. I have done things I never knew I could, like going to Baguio on my own.

I’ve read a book in a café alone, which I could never imagine doing. I enjoyed the coffee and food that I got to pick. I now know that I enjoy reading a good book in a new cafe, with a good cup of coffee.

I am not ready to be in a relationship and for those who are, I do envy them. But for me, I know that I am not ready and I want to enjoy my 20’s. I want to have fun and enjoy. I want to find myself and know that I can survive on my own. I always told myself I want to have my own place and be independent before I get married. Well, that is exactly what I’m doing, as I don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy or figure things out.

My family might not agree with my situation or how I choose to live my life. But I am doing all of this for myself and as long as I see that I am growing, nothing else matters.